Seems like all my life I have been motivated by this one thought…….If I say, do, act like this etc., will I be liked?
Even when I set out to write this blog, it is a main concern of mine and a lot of the time, no wait, most of the time I DO NOT choose to write what is really on my mind because I’m afraid that it will not be liked and therefore, I reason in my mind, no one will ever read what I write again.
Unfortunately, I’m seeing that with the process of thinking and reasoning my way out of what I feel like I want to write, it is my fear that is being realized…….I am the cause of people not being interested in what I have to say! After all, my actions are a direct contradiction to what my title is saying……..that I am, “one tiny voice among many”…….I am supposed to be saying what I think.
This morning, for the very first time, I’ve had a clarity that I never realized before.
For the longest time I’ve heard people say “follow your passion”. For the longest time too, I’ve had that thought going through my head, trying to figure out what my passion is and I think I’ve finally figured out what that is…….I like telling people what to do.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I’m trying to be bossy. When I’m trying to explain to people how to do something, my motivation is to try and help them to be better at what they’re doing. I feel like I have mastered what it is they’re trying to do and I just want to share what I’ve learned with them so they will do good also. I want to help them.
Most of the time, however, my help is not always well received. You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve heard the expression, “Nobody likes a know-it-all”.
Sometimes too, if I’m speaking really fast to this person, so that I can get out all the information that this person needs to know before it’s too late for them and they make a mistake, it just sounds sometimes like I’m yelling at them….like when I was teaching my son first and then my daughter a few years later how to drive a car. Needless to say, neither one of them appreciated hearing what they needed to know from me.
At work I run into resistance a lot also. Not many people are really interested in hearing from an old lady, (I do qualify now for senior discounts, BTW), how she did this job 43 years ago or even just 17 years ago when I was first employed by this company……they’re just interested in getting it done fast….doesn’t need to be done right!
It’s because of this resistance to me and my trying to help people that I find myself thinking that people really don’t like me much and it makes me try and become someone that I’m not and I try to become the person that they want me to be.
It’s been that way all my life.
I love to dance. I always have. When I was a kid, I was told that I was dancing to get people’s attention….it made me just want to dance away from where people could see me do it.
I used to love to sing out loud. When I was about 7 years old I was going around the house trying to imitate an opera singer singing the scales. My mother heard me and blurted out, “What the hell do you call that?” and I stopped singing out loud.
I don’t tell you these things to get pity…….I just want you to understand that there are always going to be people who want you to feel bad about who you are…..to make you behave the way they think you should behave. It has taken me the last 50 years to get to this point where I can say to you……..Be True to Yourself.
I can’t worry anymore about whether people will like me for what I say, how I say it or what I do…….I don’t have any control over what anyone might think of me and my motivation now is just to try and share something that might help someone else become who they are supposed to be.